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Failing at startup and failing under load are different problems with different fixes, and the engine tells you which in its own log. Where the memory actually goes, the four flags that move it, and the arithmetic that says whether it can fit at all.

Three published numbers turn tuning from guesswork into a loop with a stopping rule. Which flag moves each, the order to adjust them in, and the two out-of-memory failures that have different fixes despite looking the same.